To the Fine Metro-Area Jewish Community:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my black little heart, for making today's morning subway commute one of the most pleasant in recent memory. Your staying home to celebrate the joyous New Year of 5768 with your family has provided me with rapid fire trains, multiple seats in which to place my fat ass, and plenty of space all around. I actually made it to work without punching anyone in the beanbag or wanting to punch anyone in the beanbag or muttering anything under my breath about punching or beanbags. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. And Happy New Year!