To All the Selfish "Martyrs" Out There

Because you didn't feel like burning your vacation days when you were ill--and hacking, sneezing, spewing, flinging, picking, and dripping contagious microbooger particles all over the place--I was forced to burn mine. At home with a raging fever. Yay. Cheers. Love you. Enjoy your ten days in Hawaii. And while you're frolicking in the surf, I'll be here, motionless on the sofa without the strength to open a tea bag or put the kettle on. Smooches.