Filed Under "Gross"

There are some nice things to say about the ladies' room at my new job. One is the nice foyer, or vestibule/lounge area which contains a shelf (to put papers or coffee or other things you don't want to take into the john with you), a large full-length mirror (so you can check out your ass and whatnot), and a bench for sitting, waiting on a friend, or to place your coat and bag.

Once you leave the lounge and enter the toilet/sink area, if you will, there is a nice number of stalls, approximately 8-10, which is about what you'd find at a place like Yankee Stadium, and it's a refreshing change from most buildings in which I've worked. It's just enough stalls for a lady to have her privacy when she needs it. No lines, no waiting, no hovering. Very nice. I like.

I encouter a problem once I'm in the stall, however, in the form of a 8x11 piece of paper printed in color on the computer and taped up on the back of the door which reads,

"Please remember to flush before you leave!"

including a picture of a clip art toilet. In case you didn't know what you were supposed to flush.

This is perplexing, and sort of takes the glow off of the thrill of so many stalls, as it's behind the door of every stall. This is a company-specific ladies' room, not a floor-wide, key required type of joint. It implicates a woman (or women) at this company specifically. Who's not flushing? And why not?

I sit and wonder that when I'm on the john and panic that I may not remember to flush before I leave. I flush. Sometimes twice to make sure. As I do, I notice that the handle is slow to operate. Could someone be implicated in a "not flushing scheme" simply because she doesn't wait long enough for things to complete? Because of the sign, I'm paranoid. Feeling admnonished, I go to wash my hands. There's no sign telling me to do that, and that's more of a germ, e-coli threat to the population kind of problem. As opposed to an unsightly surprise when you open a stall door.

And on my way out? Another sign, on the back of the lounge door which reads,

"Did you remember to flush??????????"

(with clip art toilet again, for reference)

That's ten question marks. Unlike the number of stalls, I made sure to count these exactly. Excessive punctuation bugs me. If I had forgotten to flush, would I remember? And if I remembered, would I go back? There's 8-10 stalls! Would I remember which stall I was in?


So I'm contemplating not flushing, on principle alone. It's bad enough being told what to do when you're in the ladies room. There already are plentiful signs in restrooms: "Dont' Smoke" & "Don't flush anything other than toilet paper down the toilet" & "Use the recepticle provided for sanitary blah blah blah" and all that jazz. But to be told to flush?

And I'm convinced that signs don't work anyway. If you don't have good toilet manners, you don't have good manners, and it all goes back to your mother. If you don't wash your hands after you leave the john, then that woman you affectionately call Mom, the one who shot you out of her cooter? Well, she's a bad mother. Trust me: What's a "Please remember to flush" sign gonna do for the broad who craps on the floor?

Please.