I'm Fully Aware That Everyone Hates New England Right Now

So let's turn our attention to Buffalo, shall we? Specifically, the Buffalo Bills and their fans. Some of you may know that Doodle and I are Bills fans. Why? Well, Doodle's favorite player is Lee Evans, and I've got some Western New York roots myself, so rooting for Buffalo feels good. Plus, the Patriots really don't need my help, do they? No, they don't.

Last Sunday, I was treated to an amazing fete--something called a Buffalo Bills Tailgate Party, Away-Game Style in the Meadowlands Stadium in New Jersey. Oh, and then there was a forgettable football game between the New York Jets and the Buffalo Bills. The Bills won, however, just in case you're paying attention and are curious about sports and whatnot. I've witnessed live NHL, NBA, the WBNA and mostly MLB, but this was my first time ever witnessesing a professional football contest, and let me tell you something--football ain't baseball. These football fans are really into getting hammered. In the great paved outdoors. Did you know this? I did not! I suspected it, but did not know it. And of course, I loved it.

Now back to the f00tball. Here is how football goes down for a Buffalo Bills fan when the Bills play the Jets in Jersey:

Once you get dropped off in the Meadowlands Parking Lot, you need to find your tailgate party. For Bills fans, it's at Lot 16, Pole C. Obviously. There, you'll find your people (many of them affiliated with the NYCBBB (NYC Buffalo Bills Backers), drinking, carousing, and singing the Bills Song (the Bills Make Me Want to Shout!). You'll find plenty of meat products being grilled (feel free to BYOM) and wings being deep fried on makeshift stovetops in pots bubbling over with grease and pans full of Frank's Red Hot. See that bar with the rail full of peanuts and the television and Bible on top? That's Kenny.

Kenny's gonna "delicately persuade" you (Buffalo badger you) into doing a shot of Polish Cherry Schnapps out of the thumb hole of a giant, gnarly, sticky, regulation black bowling ball, which you then drop on the ground so you can then toot the long plastic red horn at the top of your lungs, and you're gonna freakin' love it. You know the drill. Sure, Kenny cleans the ball off in between the peanut shell dirt dives and the saliva slurps with a baby wipe, so you know it's all good.

Then if you look up, you'll see some Jets skank who has hiked her fat ass atop the Bills van, shaking her ass and shouting, "J!E!T!S!" even though there are a thousand other tailgates in which to act like a proper Jets skank, and suddenly the Bills crowd shouts in unison, "WHORE! WHORE! WHORE! WHORE!" and there you find yourself, shouting along with them--and really meaning it-- and all the while drinking a Bloody Mary and eating a chocolate chip cookie and some other crap you so generously helped yourself to from one of the myriad of tables in the center of the mania. Oh, and then there's that game to go to.

Kenny and his infamous bowling ball shot

Hey---ey---ey---ey!

Hey--ey--ey--ey!

Let's go Buffalo

Let's go Buffalo!

Security guard approached us with a whisper, "See these blue gloves? I'm a Bills fan. Shhh.."

Being an NFL cheerleader is a weird job. These chicks (part of the "Jets Flight Crew"are paid to run around with these flags and shake their asses and shit. Weird.

Appropriately bummed Jet fans.

Buffalo Bills 13 , New York Jets 3
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On a related note, some guys in the office and I went to Brother Jimmy's on Monday night for All- You-Can-Eat Buffalo-style wings and unlimited pitchers of beer. These cats, not hailing originally from the Buffalo area, may have seriously underestimated (or neglected to remember from college) the extreme gastronomic violence that ensues after a meal like that. As of last count, Greenberg was ahead in bathroom visits (typical) and leads his miserable opponent 5-3.