Monday, November 20, 2006

I am a Stale Donut Who Will Wait For You To Fight For My Honor

Can I hear it for Peter Cetera's "The Glory of Love," one of the gayest songs ever? Ever? Yes, ever. And guess what?

I FRIGGIN' LOVE THIS SONG.

And so should you, fellow romantics out there. These lyrics are powerful: I am a man who will fight for your honor? I'll be the hero you're dreaming of? Like a knight in shining armor, from a long time ago? Just in time to save the day...take you to my castle far away? This is romantic shit, people, I mean come ON! Where is this castle of which he speaks? Of course, I'm biased a bit because this song came out when I was in high school, but whatevs. It's about love: The glory of love.

And how about this video? It's fantastic! Peter Cetera is wailing his heart out in the foreground in his black button down shirt and in the background, Karate Freakin' Kid is there in a dramatic montage with Mr. Miagi, and there's blood, sweat and tears. It gives me shivers, it does. It makes me think of the glory of love and makes me ask myself, "Where the hell is the man who will fight for my honor?"

Recently, I've had couple men in my life whom I thought would be up for fighting for my honor. You know, have me to themselves and not share. Men who would "take it outside" for me, drag race for me, tug of war for me-- as if I were a piece of lingerie being fought over between two broads--at a half-price bin at Filene's Basement. But, to my honest surprise and disappointment, neither dude fought for me. In fact, I've been rendered about as desirable as the very last donut hole that nobody will take, rolling around in the box all lonely and stale. I look around to find no dudes dueling. Um, dudes? (primping myself) Um, hellooooo? Weren't you two supposed to be dueling? And they're like, "Yeah, uhhh, nahh. We're good. But thanks." Guess I wasn't worth the duel. And one of these dudes has no problem eating a stale donut with or without dunking it in coffee. Or six and a half for that matter. Ah, well. Serves me right for thinking so highly of myself anyway, because it's extremely out of character for me. I'm so done with that self esteem shit.

So...

THANKS A LOT, PETER CETERA, FOR CONJURING UP IMAGES OF UNATTAINABLE CRAP! I BLAME YOU AND RALPH MACCHIO. And Mr. Miagi? You're off the hook, as I believe you're dead.

18 comments:

Valerie said...

It's Daniel Son, ok, not Ralph!

newbluebaby said...

First of all, stop listening to crap radio.

Second of all, you're a box of delicious munchkins!




Damn, I'm smooth. I should write a column.

Elizabeth said...

fighting for a woman's honor was so two decades ago. i mean, i was too young to even know it existed--except through sweet sweet verse. now all i know is we women have to conjure up what little honor we can in this society while men attempt to destroy however possible.

newbluebaby said...

Well, to be fair, crappin' in hot tubs will not help your cause.

Elizabeth said...

touche.

matt said...

I think that castle is in Okinawa.

Just Dave said...

You and Bonnie Tyler-holding out for a hero,anne san. Aren't you glad those two guys showed their colors? Otherwise, you could be twice-divorced by now.

wonderturtle said...

For me it was Richard Marx. But, yeah.

Creepy said...

That song makes me cringe. Awful, just awful.

Zed said...

I think things have changed remarkably so in the last 10 years. Not only will they NOT defend your honor, but they're probably sittin' there trying to be very patient and thinking, "How long do I have to sit here waiting for her to start definding MY honor?"

It's an upside-down world, what can I tell you?

geeksters said...

And I would've pictured you as a long john with rainbow sprinkles.

Stupid non-dueling men.

Mel said...

you know I bet no one else has tied donut holes into a knight in shining armour theme. You are unique!

Del-V said...

Anne, I have been so wrapped up trying to fight this war on terror that I totally forgot what really matters -- fighting for your honor.

And in Canada, they will fight for your honour.

Peter Matthes said...

I think you need to be in your thirties to get nostalgic about this song.

You would think that Peter would be getting all sorts of ladies with that cool Dojo with the opening and closing doors.

I had forgotten that this song was from the Karate Kid II soundtrack. I had also forgotten that Danielson had gotten action on both sides of the Pacific Ocean.

Frank Sirmarco said...

My friend's dad went to seminary school with Peter Cetera. Neither one of them became priests.

You see, it's all a sham, Anne. Peter Cetera wouldn't even fight for God's honor...he's just blowing smoke up your ass!

newbluebaby said...

25 or 6 to 4?

Peter said...

Ann, I'm assuming that Robert Altman was your uncle. I'm sorry for your loss.

anne altman said...

i've got a robert altman, but he's not dead yet.

thanks, anyway, peter.