I'm a Jive Turkey

Oh, the holidays. Is everyone ready for Thanksgiving? The Christmas songs blaring inside of the Korean deli last night were enough to kill me. I was only there for 10 minutes tops, and I think I heard every single one. You know, the medley o' tunes: "Have a holly jolly Christmas...Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas..." Then the guy at the counter gave me shit for my Red Sox hat, "How you wear that? You the enemy." Whatever, dude. Just sell me my orange juice, my beer and my gummy coke bottles and I'll be on my way, ok? Great.

Here is some crap going on in my world other than the pending holidays:

• Some Get Mortified News: The Mortified Book goes on sale in one week! I am a soon-to-be published beeeyotch, so check yourself before you wreck yourselves. Either get the book or go to a Mortified Show in your area, because it's quality entertainment for anyone who has ever had the pleasure of being 13.
• Speaking of shows, I'm booked for the December 7th Mortified Show at NYC's Tank Theater. This thing sells out. Either get your shit together or snooze/lose. Your choice.
• Did somebody say 2007 Doodle Calendar? Meowza! I'm putting the final touches on this project tonight and sending it off to Magic Land so it will be available for sale via my blog ASAP. I opted for the Deluxe Large/Oversized Wall Calendar because there's no such thing as too much Doodle (unless of course it's 4 a.m. and she's all up in your grill about breakfast or scratching the shit out of plastic bags to annoy you for other reasons you'll never know). Cost? A pittance! A mere $23.99! (They wholesale for $18.99). Is a 5 bean profit from all the pain and suffering I incurred while cramming Doodle into her business suit and other accessories fair? I certainly hope so. I'm no business lady. That's more Doodle's bag.

I guess that's all I got for now. Does anyone want a tangerine? Ten for a dollar down in Chinatown, folks.