But...you might wanna go ahead and start practicing "Meet my husband Glenn" and "Meet my husband Billy" just in case. Can't hurt, can it? Sure it can't. Any day now. Aaaaany day. OK. Good luck with that.
Monday, March 31, 2008
We're Talkin' Magic 8 Ball
But...you might wanna go ahead and start practicing "Meet my husband Glenn" and "Meet my husband Billy" just in case. Can't hurt, can it? Sure it can't. Any day now. Aaaaany day. OK. Good luck with that.
MORTIFIED? Of Course You Are!
8:00 PM
Comix
353 West 14th StreetNew York, New York 10014
Ripped from the pages of real life, Mortified is a comic excavation of adolescent artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. Watch it live on the Comix stage on April 7.
Co-produced in New York by Brandy Barber & Anne Altman, Mortified has been hailed as a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Entertainment Weekly, Esquire, Jane, Daily Candy and more. The project collects childhood creations and uses them to reveal uniquely autobiographical tales. There are a million stories buried in the pages of ordinary people's lives. Their mission is to simply help find them. Where can you hear grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their... first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and everything in between? Only at Mortified and only at Comix!
MON, April 7 @ 8:00 PM
Comix
353 West 14th St.
Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 day-of-show plus a two item minimum in showroom can be purchased at www.comixny.com or by calling 212.524.2500.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
The Haymarket by John Sloan, 1907
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The Allman Brothers Beacon Theater Run Cancelled
Man, am I bummed. I was so looking forward to it this year.
Newbluebaby just delivered the disappointing news by forwarding me the following:
From Billboard.com
Ray Waddell, Nashville
"The Allman Brothers Band announced today that they are postponing their
annual run of 15 shows at New York City's Beacon Theatre set for May
5-24, with rescheduled dates TBA. In addition, they have also cancelled
their upcoming performances at the Wanee Festival that they host every
year in Florida (set for April 11-12, Wanee will continue as planned
despite the fact that the Allman Brothers Band will not be appearing).
For the past six months, founding member Gregg Allman has been receiving
scheduled treatments for Hepatitis C, a virus that, with these
treatments, has become curable in recent years. The treatments so far
have been successful and the virus has been eradicated from his system.
However, the recovery time from the side effects of the treatment are
taking longer than originally projected. Since the Allman Brothers Band
are known for exhilarating and exhausting concert performances they
don't want to give fans anything less than they have come to expect; so
the band members made a group decision to delay the first round of
dates. "I'm getting better but I'm still tired," says Gregg. "I need to
be at 110% to do the shows the way we do them.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support and understanding my
Brothers and our fans have given me."
The Wanee Festival featuring Gov't Mule, Bob Weir & Ratdog, Derek Trucks
and Susan Tedeschi's Soul Stew Revival, moe., Levon Helm and others will
indeed take place April 11-12 in Live Oak, FL, despite the Brothers'
cancellation. As for other Allman Brothers Band dates, a 12-concert
jaunt planned for August, including two that have been announced so far
(8/16 in Boston, MA and 8/23 in Camden, NJ), will go on as scheduled.
The rescheduling of the Beacon Theatre run and additional fall shows
will be announced soon.
Gregg and the Allman Brothers Band appreciate the ongoing support they
have always received from their fans and look forward to seeing them
this summer. The road goes on forever..."
Sigh.
Rats
NYC, 34th Street @ Park Avenue ~ 3/27/08
Scenes From a Life
Beer good.
I Will Go Back in Time, I Will Go to Princeton
from shorpy.com
***CLICK ON IMAGE FOR MAXIMUM HEATNESS EFFECT***
*If I can't go to Princeton because its 1915, and I'm a girl, I will loiter around on campus and stalk him like a wild animal until he submits. Thank you.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Dream Jobs
"I'm so overwhelmed with the amount of work on this desk that I wish could just leave here and start somewhere new. At another insurance company. That's my dream job."
What Recession? I'm Moving, Suckers!
Not Sure If I Felt American or Girlish at American Girl Place
It wasn't until I was engulfed by the throngs of women, children and their dolls at American Girl Place on Saturday did I fully understand why Mom and Dad never wanted to spend much time at Disney World's Magic Kingdom. It seemed like every time the we had just exited the Pirates of the Carribean ride ready for the second go round, Dad would burst our bubble with, "We're going to Epcot. You love Epcot." Which was code word for "Germany" and Germany was code for "booze"--and in other words, "We're going the place where Mom and Dad can get adult beverages which make us want to beat the piss out of you... less."
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Breaking News! McDonald's Southwest Chicken Salad is Back!
"And these," she said, gesturing with the french fries she was cramming in her mouth.
"What kind of salad did you get?"
"Guess."
"Bacon Ranch? Please tell me you didn't get Bacon Ranch. It's like 5,000 calories."
"Nope. I don't eat bacon much."
"Asian Chicken Salad?"
"Nope."
"Ceasar Salad? Regular Salad?"
"Nope. You know, your salad. The Southwest Chicken Salad."
"My salad? You mean it's back? No way." I tore open the bag to see it with my own eyes. It's back! It's back! IT'S BACKKKKKKKKKK!
I suppose you know what I'm having for lunch tomorrow.
What I'm Reading Right Now: A Pickpocket's Tale
Monday, March 24, 2008
You Know How Doodle Feels About NYC Traffic Congestion Pricing
Message in a Bottle
Happy National Cleaning Week!
Drew Peterson, You're Lonely?
Let's say two people are in a room, so we'll start the equation with 2. And then one person kills the other person, ok? 2 minus 1= 1 person in the room. The other "person," (the non-responsive one on the floor in pool of blood) is a now called a corpse, and I know you're familiar with getting rid of those pesky things. Do corpses run off with other men? Sure --its usually other men running off with corpses-- but the relationship usually doesn't last too long unless there is some sort of high tech refrigeration employed. So...um...yeah.
*Feel free to substitute "kill" for "allegedly kill" if you are Drew Peterson
4,000 U.S. Soldiers Fallen in Iraq and...Wait, Jericho's Been Cancelled?
*What the fuck was Jericho?
Sunday, March 23, 2008
See Me in Mortified NYC on April 7
Mortified– The Most Painfully Honest Show Around!
Monday, April 7, 2008
8:00 PM
Comix
353 West 14th Street, New York, New York 10014
Ripped from the pages of real life, Mortified is a comic excavation of adolescent artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. Watch it live on the Comix stage on April 7.
Co-produced in New York by Brandy Barber & Anne Altman, Mortified has been hailed as a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Entertainment Weekly, Esquire, Jane, Daily Candy and more. The project collects childhood creations and uses them to reveal uniquely autobiographical tales. There are a million stories buried in the pages of ordinary people's lives. Their mission is to simply help find them. Where can you hear grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their... first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and everything in between? Only at Mortified and only at Comix!
MON, April 7 @ 8:00 PM
Comix
353 West 14th St.
Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 day-of-show (plus a two item minimum in showroom)
Get tickets at www.comixny.com or by calling 212.524.2500.
Did Elvis Just Tell You to Shove it Up Your Nose?
Yes he did! Believe it: Elvis just told you to "shove it up your nose!" at :51 seconds. I thought this version of "Suspicious Minds" sounded high on cocaine. Seriously, man, can we get an EKG please? Is Elvis is fuckin' awesome, or what? Yes, he's fuckin' awesome; in whatever shape, peanut butter and banana bacon whatevs, the man was awesome. Make no dizzouts about it; I'd totally be shaking my fat ass off at that show and making out with him in the front row. I'm caught in a trap, yo! I can't fuckin' walk out! He's never lied to me! No, no! For reals!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
People Are Never Going to Stand Clear of the Closing Doors
I better do some qi gong now.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Kick Ass Shoe of the Day
I Was in Public With a Man With a Huge Zit on His Forehead
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Kick Ass Shoes of the Day
Walgreens Grand Opening in the Neighborhood
Why is a new Walgreens in my neighborhood so special, you ask? First of all, you don't see anything disappear around here without another bank branch taking its place. We have more friggin' banks around here. Who the hell has all this money to put in these banks? Don't we bank online these days anyway? Good grief, banks piss me off. Back in the day you'd have your bank and it might be close by, it might be a little farther away, either way, you went there and that was it. Now you have a fat ass because there's a branch every few feet. Ooooh, what an interesting neighborhood you live in! Is that a Chase, next to WaMu, next to Bank of America (jerks charge $3.00 for their ATMs? Welcome to America), next to a Commerce, next to a WHATEVER? WOW! HOW INTERESTING AND USEFUL! Banks. Ridiculous.
Not getting a bank is fantastic. What else is fantastic? Not getting a Duane Reade. This is "Manhattan's Drugstore" (named after Duane and Reade Streets in lower Manhattan) and it blows. They're everywhere, and they suck. Simply put, their staff sucks and they have a bad selection. I was forced to shop at a crappy Duane Reade until I saw the papered up windows of the vacant storefront announcing Walgreens Coming Soon, and man, I was elated! Seriously psyched!
Here are a few more pictures of my first time shopping at the new Walgreens last night. The trip was pleasant and interesting. I even saw some folks from my apartment building in there. The cranky rich dude who lives in the penthouse was already arguing with one of the store clerks with the circular in his hand, "But you're out of ice cream! It's advertised here, sale on ice cream and you have no ice cream!" She calmly replied, "We'll give you a rain check." He exclaimed, "How could you be out of the ice cream already? Already?" She responded, "I don't think we ever had it at this location, actually. We just opened." And cranky old dude couldn't let it go: "I was gonna say! Out of the ice cream already, how could that be the case? Now you'll give me a raincheck now, but you don't have the ice cream. Do I come back? Will it be on sale?" I have a feeling she said something about giving it to him at the sale price for a later time, but the conversation was starting to give me a little anxiety, and plus, what if he recognized me, that's a whole other deal because he's deaf too, so there'd be more shouting. Next aisle for me, please.
Here's the chick stamping sticker prices on stuff with her new sticker price gun in Aisle 4, Side B: In front of the refrigerated cases where the ice cream wasn't. Look how nice and shiny everything is! And neat! And shiny. And empty of people! Yay! People are terrible!
Here's up front near the registers. Peanut butter flavored Whoppers, you say? Well, okay! Look at all that beautiful I Heart NY stuff made in China. Nice selection.
Good shot of this broad entering the new store in wonder and amazement, don't you think? She has literally stopped in her tracks, stunned by the selection of products. I mean, inside her head, she's flipping the fuck out, you know? It's that new drugstore smell, filling up her senses. Wow, electronics section right up front? Excellent! Beautiful. That's where Gristede's used to keep its rotten meat case. True story.
What is that, an overhang to prevent you and your Walgreens packages from getting soaked in inclement weather while you fumble for an umbrella or try to hail a taxi? I think it is! What a stunning idea! What a beautiful overhang. I stood under it for a second and have to say, it was top-notch. A perfect end to a perfect shopping experience. I'm going to transfer prescriptions there, and find all kinds of reasons to go there for this, that, and whatevs. I wonder if they're open 24 hours?
Happy Spring!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
It's Time Fo' Mo' Wendy Ho
Make sure you check out "Bitch, I Stole Your Purse" next if ya ain't seen it yet or nothin' cause it's hilarious too.