Immature is My Middle Name

Terror Level at the Office Today is: Bat Shit (Orange)

Ghetto
Strange
Crazy
Bat Shit
Run For Your Life It Could Get On You

Wow. How quickly things went from Blue Alert to Orange. I'm terrified.

Have time for a quick story? Great. So I told you guys that there are old timey bathrooms down the hall. It's a three staller, nice ceramic tiles, black and white, quality doors and fixtures and the whole bit. I'm about to come out of one of the stalls as someone comes in. She unleashes such a voluminous stream of piss that sounds like she's got a pizza pie-sized cooch for chrissakes. I'm talking Niagara Falls, I'm talking Hurricane Katrina, I'm talking one of those showers at the beach where you pull the cord and you get dumped with water.

So, I need to stay a second and find out who it is, right? Of course, I do. I'm standing at the sink washing my hands and who walks out? The hottest broad in the office, a tall and lanky 22 year old who looks a lot like Paulina Poriskova. Ha! The whole time I'm thinking, this must be some broken down old broad with no control over her anything. Wrong!

Kegels, Paulina, practice your kegel exercises. You're this loose now, you're in trouble.

The upside: You can give birth to a giraffe vaginally.

Yay! Surrogate Giraffe Mother!