Last night when I was walking home from Hell, I saw a woman with open toed sandals on, and I marveled at the size of her big toe compared to the rest of her toes. All ten were neatly manicured, but her big toe was so enormous, it sort of didn't matter. The bright red paint may have brought more attention to the fact that her big toes were the size of skate boards, and the rest were pretty much normal-sized.
As I crossed the street I thought to myself, Boy. My life is really sucking hard these days, but at least I don't have a big toes like that. On a lady no less! At the end of the day, if I were she, and I had those toes, even if my life was great because I had a great job and a great husband--even Big Toe got married--people could say, "Whatever, Big Toe. And hey, Big Toe! What's up? Double A Big Toe, what's goin' on?" Sure, maybe I wouldn't care. Wouldn't care because I could twirl basketballs on each big toe if I practiced hard enough. Or whatever. But for as much as I'm down in the dumps, I think I'd prefer to have a shitty job, no man, and regular-sized big toes than the alternative.
Today, I'm not so sure.
4 comments:
It could be worse Anne. You could have a big toe and have those little yellow monsters living underneath the toenails like that Lamasil commercial.
So cheer up Princess Little Toes!
you're deranged!
You should have informed big toes that although her big toes were too big, if she ever had the misfortune of losing a thumb-they could always replace it with the freakishly big toe--
Hey maybe that's why she seemed proud of her big toes--she knows that she was gifted with replacement thumbs.
Then again, transvestites are everywhere nowadays. You never really kno for certain without the Crocodile Dundee squeeze test.
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