In Style 21 Years Later

Photo by Brandy Barber


Last night I wore my 1985 prom dress to Seth Herzog's show Sweet at the Slipper Room. The show's theme was Prom, in conjunction with the documentary, The World's Best Prom by OVO. I wanted to compete for a Prom Date with Seth, but I fucked up because I left my wallet at home, and ended up arriving too late. How sad. (Poor Brandy dropped a lousy egg from her spoon in the agility contest, so Sara won. That bitch! I kid, I kid. Do I? More glam photos to follow.)

Even though I screwed up by being (re)tardy, most would agree that I looked smokin' hot in the still smokin' hot gown--despite the fact that I don't fill out the bust or ass in it anymore--and a tailor could retire on the alterations it requires. The eye-catching zig-zag top was very avant garde 80's, and it was held up with a clever hidden wire sewn inside. The dress was not cheap, I remember. My mom don't play like that. Only the best for her girls.

Without the actual photo handy, I am going to try my best to describe exactly how I looked on that Spring afternoon in 1985:

1. Frizzy triangle shaped perm that didn't quite touch the shoulders. Maybe a barrette on one side.
2. Large, chunky heart-shaped rhinestone necklace with square cut clip on rhinestone earrings to match
3. Electric, jaundice-orange skin tone from excessive and unfortunate Quick Tan Applicator Creme
4. Whore-iffic teal eyeshadow and black mascara compliments of my friend Danielle who was going through a punk phase
5. Dye-ables glitter pumps tinted aqua with tiny rhinestones that I glued to the heel (in an 80's thunderbolt-like design from my Bedazzler kit)
6. Extremely awkward posture and smile

My date was paler than the bright side of the moon, enhanced by his choice of light grey tux, ruffly shirt, and pink tie. Throw in brillo hair, add in a little pizza face. Top the whole thing off with the fact that I wanted to go with his best friend, but his best friend asked one of my "friends," and we're back to #6.

The photo could be titled, Mr. Pasty Takes a Hooker.

I will find it.

I will post it.

You will howl.