Dear Clay Aiken,
Yesterday while watching Dr. Phil, I noticed several commercials for your new album. You appear to be crooning. A crooner. To whom do you croon? Sure, you were the skinny redheaded underdog on American Idol a few years ago, and though you didn't win first place, you had enough fanship to get some record deals. This was, of course, before your teenage girl audience found out that you love cock and balls:
(Nobody is buying that you love titties)but yet someone out there is buying your crap. Who is buying your crap? Could it be the eunuchs? Is this hipster Williamsburg indy rocker soaked-in-product, high maintenance 'do the official hairdo of the eunuchs? It's seriously terrible:
I just want to grab those sticky bangs which cover your eyes like a sheepdog and rip them out of your head. I don't care how much you love the cock n' balls; a boy should not have hair this complicated. It's too gay for the gays, my dear. Seriously.
Love always,
Anne
Click here and turn up your audio for Maximum Terrible Quotient.
7 comments:
That tit grabbin' picture is hot. But it shouldn't be, right? I'm so confused.
Is that... Is he.... Is he trying to grow a beard in that last pic? Wouldn't it be easier to just marry one?
In addition to loving cock and balls, I understand he also likes fists.
he's gay? but i have him framed on my bedside table!
Better move that picture over to your hope chest.
I actually clicked for the Max Terror Quotient and was pleased to see the words The project, Aiken's first outing since 2004....
berry, best line ever!
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