Anne's Half-Assed Review of Gray's Anatomy

I can't compete with the real fan reviews of Grey's Anatomy, my only knowledge of the show being their last season's finale. In fact, I didn't even know what time the first episode of this season aired, so I got to it 16 minutes in. Did I miss big stuff? Probably. But if you're up to a half-assed review that only I can do, this is your place.

What I did see right away is that this was a flashback episode. But me being me, I hate flashback anything. I suppose it's the show and network's way of recapping the finale so as to remind old fans or enlist new as to what the hell is going on. What I remember was going on last time we left off is that during the prom at the hospital, Meredith was being chased by two boyfriends including Chris O'Donnell and Dr. McDreamy and ended up banging Dr. McDreamy in a hospital room and losing her black "panties." Shiver.

This episode brought to the table instead of a prom, an equally plausible outbreak of the plague. This allowed McDreamy and O'Malley to be sequestered/quarantined in the locker room and have flashbacks galore about their unrequited/requited love lives. Miranda is trying to save (through a locked door) Mr. Plague, a patient suffering from the plague from choking on his tears when he finds out that his significant other has expired from said plague. Izzy, the broad with the prom dress and the dead-in-bed fiance has not moved from the bathroom floor of Meredith's house, refusing to move in an overwhelming state of shock and grief.

The head of the hospital gets an ultimatum from his wife to retire, and he says he needs more time. She tells him she's out of time. Harsh. When McDreamy and O'Malley get out of quarantine, they go directly to Meredith's house. O'Malley doesn't tell his Amazonian girlfriend that he loves her, despite McDreamy's suggestion. And in turn, McDreamy against his own word, tells Meredith that he loves her and she has to choose. This is of course, after Chris O'Donnell tells her he's in love with her and is going to fight for her honor Peter Cetera style. Or whatevs. So many a dude on this show loves them some anorexic ass.

Finally, Sandra Oh seems to be holding everyone together during this tense time, and upon seeing her hot shot surgeon boyfriend in the hospital recovering from a not-so-hot gunshot wound (in his surgeon hand of all places--the tragedy!) breaks down to cry, and tells him, "Don't ever die." Did I miss anything? Oh, yes, during all this a premature baby is found in a trash can, ends up on life support, and four 14 -year old Catholic school girls are implicated and one is found guilty, giving that cocky and serious guy and the wife of McDreamy ample time to flash back to mistakes in their lives.

I think that about covers it.

Have I captured the attention of depressed, wrinkly women with money and dry skin who need insurance, medication for depression, and a brand new car--particularly either a BMW or a Mercury? Because that's apparently the demographic watching Gray's with me last night. I saw commercials for the show immediately afterwards called 6 Degrees, and I wanted to boycott it for two reasons. One, I didn't wanted their riding on the coat tails of Gray's ratings plan to fail because I'm like that. Two, I didn't want Bridget Monyahan shoving her Bridget Monyahan face in my face and all I see is "I'm banging Tom Brady, and you aren't." I was pleased to see that her on-show fiance is cheating on her with broads online, so that made me feel better. I was also pleased to see Kristen Schaall (half of the Hot Tub) making a nice cameo and a few much- deserved SAG lines and also Sara Vowell, author of The Partly Cloudy Patriot and other fantastic books.

If I watch these shows next week, I'm going to be pissed at myself. I predict being pissed at myself.