Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Laid Off Doesn't Have To Mean Laid Up #1

That's right, folks, unemployment has it's benefits. Here are a few:

  1. No guilt (or not as much guilt) in declining a telemarketer's solicitation of funds from NPR. "I would but I just got the shitcan" seems to work quickly and I get a pass for a few months, kind of like jury duty. And since you're out of work, you have time to talk their ears off, which makes the call even shorter. "Great, listen, I may not have cash to donate, but I do have my time; what employment opportunities other than telemarketer, of course, is NPR offering right now?"
  2. You get creative in the kitchen. What, you didn't think a processed slice of American cheese and martini olives on a piece of stale leftover Greek Salad takeout pita bread with ketchup isn't a meal? Wash it down with a glass of 8.99 cabernet. You'd be surprised.
  3. Doodle and I get to spend some quality time together.

9 comments:

Teri said...

I'm sure Doodle is THRILLED with that last entry. I'm surprised she doesn't slap that fine suit on you and kick your ass out the door and tell you to "pound it".

Mel said...

Nice Blog! Sorry about the toaster oven, and poverty. I have found that when kraft mac and cheese is on sale you can eat for days. So yummy! Of course its better with toast though.

Doodle is just too cute!

Cowgurl said...

Anne! Poverty is a great motivator for upword mobility. Do you really want another one of those temp jobs when you be a star? Print out your blog and work it into a routine for one of those stand-up comedy audition gigs. You go, girl!

Elizabeth said...

that meal is pathetic. are you trying to get your readers to send you money?

seriously: you can eat better and cheaply: bean burritoes and pasta a la olive oil, garlic, and maybe cheese.

course, you'll have to keep your membership to the gym if you are going to live on those meals.

btw, if you start frequenting trader joe's, you'll start to think a 8.99 bottle of wine is for CEOs.

anne altman said...

thanks for the advice, kids. i've found that the nailpolish in my fridge does make a lower calorie but still colorful dressing on the olive sandwiches.

are you not sending me money, liz?

Creepy said...

Start dating more -- you'll get to enjoy meals in New York's finest restaurants.

Sans Pantaloons said...

If I send a donation to Doodle at 'Anne Altman, New York, New York, USA' what's the chance of it getting delivered?

anne altman said...

yes, creepy, but then i'll have to mail the dude half of the check.
"joanne, ate the food, you drank the wine, you owe me 50 dollars."

gracious benevolent sans pantaloons! don't be silly--doodle is setting up a PayPal account to make it easier on you, her benefactors

Creepy said...

"Come on Anne, do the right thing."