Good Friday: The New Passover

I had a temp job once where I was supposed to fill in for someone for three weeks. But when the person returned, I was not let go, but instead kept on for months and months and months. Because I'm good is why! Soon the idea was presented to me by my co-worker and superiors that I "audition" for the full-time position they were creating. So I made sure I was the best I could possibly be. Comin' in early and stayin' late kind of stuff and takin' on all kinds of BS in the name of promotion. Since they liked me and I was doing the job well, the conversion seemed like a no-brainer. I was sent to Human Resources to meet with the Director.

The Director of Human Resources looked at my resume, discussed the job responsibilities for the position, waxed on about the tremendous benefits at the company, and assured me that they "Don't gyp you out of vacation days here." They were looking to hire this candidate in the next few weeks and I would be advised of the process as it was going along. I took notes. Taking notes conveys a certain "Je ne sais quoi" n'est pas? Always try and look like a smarty pants. If you don't wear glasses, get fake ones. Or take diligent notes. Even if your notes say, "This dude is a sweaty panty smeller."

Anyway, a few months later, I was approached by my boss at 3 p.m. about a surprise meeting with VP, the Senior VP, and my counterpart concerning the full time position--at coincidentally, 3 p.m. I asked my colleague, "Do you know what this mystery meeting involves?" I was met with a blank stare. So, I gathered my notes from the Human Resources pow-wow, and got myself a nice tall glass of ice water in a styrofoam cup.

I sat down, in the last available at the round table for four by the door. In the fifty seconds I had just traveled from the pantry to the conference room, I had rehearsed what I was going to say about my summer vacation plans, that they were already in place for months, and that I'd be out of the office for approximately two weeks. I had my salary range in mind. I was all set. Let the games begin.

SVP: Well, Anne, we've called you in today to discuss the full-time position we spoke to you about.
Anne: Yes, great!
SVP: Ok. We have offered the position to someone else.


*3 sets of eyeballs blinking at me*


Anne: (pause) Oh-kay?
VP: Her name is Beth. And she starts on Monday.
Anne: Alright?
SVP: We decided to go with someone more junior.
VP: Yeah, more junior.
Co-worker: Yeah.
Anne: Ok?
VP: You'll love her. She's great.
Anne: I'm sure.
SVP: So, yeah. We just wanted to let you know that we went with another candidate.
Anne: I see. Ok. Um, so... I guess this meeting is adjorned, then?
SVP: Unless you might have some questions, we just felt it right to meet with you like this to let you know the direction we decided to go in. Do you have any questions for us?


*3 sets of eyeballs eyeballing me around conference room table*


Anne: Does this mean I'm getting the shitcan?
SVP, VP, Co-worker, (in unison): NO! WE LOVE* YOU!!!!
VP: Oh, please, no! Don't think that we don't love you because we do!
Anne: Oh, ok. I ask because I need to know if I can I keep my Time Warner Triple Play package? I just signed up for it and all.
SVP: Yes! We love you! Don't think we don't love you! We're keeping you on until the first of the year*!

And that day, Good Friday, the day Christ was nailed to a cross, was the day (or one of the more memorable days) I was passed up for a job. The day will now be known as Passover. Get it? Got it? Good.



*liars
**pants on fires