Today I made the mistake of borrowing from the office what seemed like an under-sized over-sized umbrella.
Boy, was I wrong. It was an over-sized, under-sized over-sized umbrella, and it made my jaunt outside at lunch in midtown one of the most unpleasant experiences with an umbrella I can ever remember. Barring the time when I was 4 and stuck the pointy end of an umbrella straight through my hand, this was the BY FAR my worst umbrella experience.
It was total bullshit. Did it blow back and forth and in and out? No. It didn't have to. That is considerably less annoying than what happened here with this douche golf umbrella. First of all, like I established, it was enormous. I could have fit 5 or 6 of my best friends under there with me. Second of all, it got all caught up in the wind and literally scooped me up off of my feet a few times, and I was holding on to the damn thing with two hands for dear friggin' life.
Anyway, it sucked. I didn't even use it on my return trip. I would have tossed it into the windshield of that rude taxi that cut me off in the intersection (after I wacked his headlight with it of course) but it wasn't mine.
Umbrellas can suck it. For reals.
3 comments:
Just think of all the joy that you provided to the weary Christmas shoppers, watching you get keelhauled down the street like a Snoopy float. They will go home and tell their families tonight and all will feel happiness and good cheer.
That sounds like a lot of fun. I've been trying to get umbrellas to lift me into the air since I was a kid. But go ahead, take it for granted.
well, poking an umbrella through my hand when i was a kid was the result of trying to get airborne. turns out the reality of the situation is terrifying. I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT.
unless you like rides. then you'll dig it.
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