John Mayer's Had Another Skank Attack

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Somebody get this guy a tissue! He can wipe his nose with it and then perhaps his forehead. Oooooh, ooooh, gross all around. Let's picture it, ok, to get a real feel for the grossness. John Mayer's slimy white schlubby frame sliding awkwardly all over Jessica Simpson's dayglo siliconed junk...then she snips, "Get off me, I have to fart."

Do you think he'll alter the song he wrote for his former skank girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt so it's appropriate for Jessica?

Your Body is an Orange Wonderland

Note to celebrity couples: Either you both get the spray tan, or neither of you get the spray tan. This is disparity between his I'm Out of Heroin and Completely Nauseated color of Sheet White and her Ooompa Loompa is very tough on the eyes.

Remarkably, I was able to bring the conversation back around to myself. It's about me. Don't make things tough on me, please, and I'll do the same for you.