Wear White While You Can

Ladies and Gents,

Labor Day is fast approaching (September 4), and that means: No More White til Summer. I don't care how hot it is, you ain't wearin' it. Why not? Because it's a fashion don't*. Sure, it's an old-timey rule, but if you don't follow it, people like me will raise eyebrows like, "Hmm. I wonder if she knows about the rule, or just doesn't care, or perhaps....

Now, there is a caveat, considering the threat of Global Warming and all that. Soon enough, white will be an option all year round so as to save the rays of the sun from searing our flesh as we crawl through molten lava. But we're not quite there yet, and if that's the case, fashion's out the door anyway and we're living The Day After style. Until then, rules are rules.

Now that "winter white" horseshit? That's just for the ultra rich and obnoxious. Who likes the hem of a coat splattered with NYC mud? Jerkoffs. Extend your summer wardrobe as long as you can by wearing all that white stuff this week and weekend. It's not like I have an extensive fall wardrobe, and I'm certainly not going out to get the latest "bubble skirts" and other layered crapola in the magazines. Unless of course you want to look like a load? Get yourself a bubble skirt.

*I'm completely aware that you Summertime Winter Boot Wearers Who Don't Own a Horse Or Drive a Hog or Work Construction will faux pas your way through the fall, but whatevs. You've been advised.