Who Could Have Predicted a Thing Such As This? I Could Have
Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson to seperate. No shit. Another smug bites the dust. I don't wish couples ill will, I just wish they'd shut their pieholes about how "wonderful and amazing" their perfect relationships are. Whatevs.
The "piehole" is similar, but not the same as, the well-known "cakehole" and is limited to "pies".
In theory, the piehole seems to be a hard to understand idea. But upon review, one finds that the piehole is a fairly easy concept and that the piehole encompasses all life.
Without the piehole, there would be no life but one must not dwell on the piehole.
One must look deep inside to find the internal meaning of the piehole.
Once this meaning is found, one can begin to discover the piehole within one's self.
For with this piehole comes true happiness.
Menck's first law of piehole: An object in a piehole stays in a piehole unless removed by an external force.
Menck's second law of piehole: When told to put something "in your piehole and run with it," you must first put it in your piehole and then run with it as you cannot run with something in your piehole without first inserting it there.
Menck's third law of piehole: When faced with freezing temperatures, a piehole will constrict to prevent loss of body heat through it.
Menck's fourth law of piehole: Pieholes do not like water.
Menck's fifth law of piehole: If you are acting or being an ignoramus, your piehole will be revoked.
Menck's sixth law of piehole: Pieholes are not "invented" or "created", they just are.
Menck's seventh law of piehole: Since pieholes cannot be created, they also, therefore, cannot be destroyed.
Menck's eighth law of piehole: The piehole's true identity and location is top secret and only the "Illuminated ones" shall know this.
Illuminated One Rules: 1. An illuminated one shall never pick their nose. One may scratch near the base of their nostril but one shall never inject their phalanges into their nasal cavities.
2. An illuminated one must have a bodily "deformity" (such as 6-fingers on each hand or webbed feet). One must also embrace this so-called "deformity" and not be embarrased by it.
3. An illuminated one must have a certain food that one refuses to eat under any circumstances, such as lettuce or pork. "Fatty foods" do not fall into this category as they are not specific enough.
4. An illuminated one must have or be willing to remove oneself from the country known as "the United States of America" at one time in one's life. One must do this of free will.
5. An illuminated one must swear upon their big toe that they will never, under any circumstances, reveal the location of the piehole.
6. To become an illuminated one, one must first show excitement in becoming an illuminated one and must never smile weirdly at Robin. One's actions will be taken into consideration by the Guild of the Illuminatees and, upon decision, one will be notified. ps - Money is accepted and aids in decision-making. pps - Turbonium pennies are not accepted.
The most important concept in the theory of the piehole is that the piehole is, was, and always will be.
8 comments:
Oh great, he was a dick before and now he's gonna be an even bigger angrier dick now.
The Crowes still rock though.
bad breath doesn't stop him from rocking.
seriously? i love her. let's run him over with my car.
I heard that she fucked Dupree.
WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?
p.s. "shut your piehole" - definitely not used enough in this world.
The "piehole" is similar, but not the same as, the well-known "cakehole" and is limited to "pies".
In theory, the piehole seems to be a hard to understand idea. But upon review, one finds that the piehole is a fairly easy concept and that the piehole encompasses all life.
Without the piehole, there would be no life but one must not dwell on the piehole.
One must look deep inside to find the internal meaning of the piehole.
Once this meaning is found, one can begin to discover the piehole within one's self.
For with this piehole comes true happiness.
Menck's first law of piehole:
An object in a piehole stays in a piehole unless removed by an external force.
Menck's second law of piehole:
When told to put something "in your piehole and run with it," you must first put it in your piehole and then run with it as you cannot run with something in your piehole without first inserting it there.
Menck's third law of piehole:
When faced with freezing temperatures, a piehole will constrict to prevent loss of body heat through it.
Menck's fourth law of piehole:
Pieholes do not like water.
Menck's fifth law of piehole:
If you are acting or being an ignoramus, your piehole will be revoked.
Menck's sixth law of piehole:
Pieholes are not "invented" or "created", they just are.
Menck's seventh law of piehole:
Since pieholes cannot be created, they also, therefore, cannot be destroyed.
Menck's eighth law of piehole:
The piehole's true identity and location is top secret and only the "Illuminated ones" shall know this.
Illuminated One Rules:
1. An illuminated one shall never pick their nose. One may scratch near the base of their nostril but one shall never inject their phalanges into their nasal cavities.
2. An illuminated one must have a bodily "deformity" (such as 6-fingers on each hand or webbed feet). One must also embrace this so-called "deformity" and not be embarrased by it.
3. An illuminated one must have a certain food that one refuses to eat under any circumstances, such as lettuce or pork. "Fatty foods" do not fall into this category as they are not specific enough.
4. An illuminated one must have or be willing to remove oneself from the country known as "the United States of America" at one time in one's life. One must do this of free will.
5. An illuminated one must swear upon their big toe that they will never, under any circumstances, reveal the location of the piehole.
6. To become an illuminated one, one must first show excitement in becoming an illuminated one and must never smile weirdly at Robin. One's actions will be taken into consideration by the Guild of the Illuminatees and, upon decision, one will be notified.
ps - Money is accepted and aids in decision-making.
pps - Turbonium pennies are not accepted.
The most important concept in the theory of the piehole is that the piehole is, was, and always will be.
Wow, I was gonna say something, but I think I'll just keep my piehole shut.
leave it to whipcreamy to master the piehole subject.
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