Attention All You Twats With Your Paisley Duffle Bags:
Yes, you, lugging your "Country Provencal Green" number to the office, so that you can leave early and go out to your Hamptons share, I'm talking to you: Your bag is lame.
5 Reasons Why Your Paisley Duffle Bag Is Lame
- You aren't fooling anyone into thinking you're part of the "Yachting Set" because you have a "Country Provencal Green" Paisley duffle bag. Rich people don't carry their own bags.
- The bag does not have an adequately ergonomic shoulder strap or wheels for the weight it is carrying. It is unwieldy, dumpy, heavy, and designed for someone with a car which drives you and your bag everywhere. Lugging it, you look like a jackass.
- The bag is not waterproof, making it imperfect for beach travel or sitting on a subway platform. There is water. There is pee.
- The dude in your life will either refuse to carry it because it's gay, or carry it and resent you the whole time he is carrying it. He will not tell you why he's in a bad mood. He'll get back at you by staring and fantasizing about other broads in line behind the velvet ropes all weekend despite your fierce, last minute manicure and spray tan.
- The bag peaked in style about 10 years ago, so I've clue why you're still dragging it around other than perhaps you have not read 1-4.
I pack lightly. A basic backpack's all I need. Pockets everywhere for everything? Yes. Paisley? No. Stylish? No. But I work it, yo. Can I beat your dumpy ass through the station to make the train? Yes. Why? Because I do not summer anywhere requiring flatirons.
Slaves to fashion, bitches, you're slaves to fashion. Just give up already. I did. Trust me: it doesn't matter.
Flatiron? Up your ass you need to shove it. So far.
14 comments:
But I need the hair dryer to dry my yacht hair. Driving to South Framhuntondonlandingcove in the roadster messes it up.
Hi Anne,
since I can't find your email address, you get a comment here. Thanks for your note on my blog! Did you try this link?
http://clusterfunction.com/video/ninapaleydotcom/Stork/StorkFinalSorensen.mov
It's quicktime.
Anne I say the next time we are out and we spot someone with one of these, we take a dump in it. Are you in or are you out?
Guess I'll have to give mine to the Good Will. Sorry to piss you off Anne. :P
bwwhahahahaaaahaha
does a bear shit on a duffle?
you bet she does.
im IN
YAY!
Well, the bag does look quilted, in a Charmin sort of way... so at least you dumping gals can do so in total comfort.
Hey, Nina! Greetings from animation land! How ya been?
Do ya mind, Anne?!? I'm tryin' to have a conversation here.
i know! nina is one of your people!
Chris! What are you doing here? I followed the name-link to your picto-blog. Still cranking out the top-notch cartoonograms I see. Veddy, veddy impressive. Lemme know if you ever come to NY. Also, I may be in LA for a day or two this November.
Also, Anne, it seems you are behind "Doodle," the video that inspired me to buy a CitiKitty for Bruno when I saw it at apartmenttherapy.com. It's been over two months but Bruno has not yet mastered the techniques Doodle performs with such confidence. You're a lucky woman.
nina: small blog-o-sphere inDEED!
my friend clark, editor of "Doodle" slapped it up there on a whim. COOL!
sorry to hear bruno is struggling a bit. i must say, i taught doodle when she was a wee kitten. and she hates this shit. if she had her way she'd be messing around in a box.
POST SCRIPT ON PAISLEY DUFFLE BAGS:
saw a guy tonight in my neighborhood walking with a woman, carrying a blue version. they were holding hands. i projectile vomited in their direction. they tripped, they slipped, but kept holding hands and he never let go of the bag.
fag.
they're country french, anne. originally brought to the states by pierre deux.
people have destroyed the original designed by turning them into ugly faddish bags you can buy at marshall's. or chinatown. (but i do have a black one that's a bitch and a half to carry.)
oh no... i just say a whole pastel display of them at the pathmark. in gowanus.
go anus
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