Ok, so the phrase "Cocaine Cartwheels" came up in conversation on the porch in Vermont. I have never done cocaine. Trust me, I'd love to, but I already know I'd love it so much, that if I tried it on a Friday, by Sunday I guarantee you I'd be blowing dudes in a Penn Station men's room for more.
I was telling my sis and her boyfriend the story about how in the 6th Grade Talent Show, these two girls who were sort of like "losers" but let's use the term "outcasts" to be more polite, did a skit where they put Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" on the tape player and their "dance routine" consisted of them being on opposite ends of the "stage" (half the cafetorium, the audience sat "Indian-style" on the other half of the cafetorium) and proceeded to each do a cartwheel at the same time to the other side of the stage. For the whole song, basically, that was their skit. One of them had long dark black hair and the other had long dark red hair. It was surreal and totally weird.
I was telling my sis and her boyfriend the story about how in the 6th Grade Talent Show, these two girls who were sort of like "losers" but let's use the term "outcasts" to be more polite, did a skit where they put Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" on the tape player and their "dance routine" consisted of them being on opposite ends of the "stage" (half the cafetorium, the audience sat "Indian-style" on the other half of the cafetorium) and proceeded to each do a cartwheel at the same time to the other side of the stage. For the whole song, basically, that was their skit. One of them had long dark black hair and the other had long dark red hair. It was surreal and totally weird.
If you wanna hang out youve got to take her out; cocaine. (CARTWHEEL)
If you wanna get down, down on the ground; cocaine. (CARTWHEEL)
She dont lie, she dont lie, she dont lie; cocaine. (CARTWHEEL)
If you got bad news, you wanna kick them blues; cocaine. (CARTWHEEL)
When your day is done and you wanna run; cocaine. (CARTWHEEL)
She dont lie, she dont lie, she dont lie; cocaine. (CARTWHEEL)
etc...
And that's only the two first verses, without the refrain, people. That's a lot of friggin' cartwheels.
What is funny about it:
WHAT ISN'T FUNNY, PEOPLE?!?!
I mean, how bad was your day at school --in 6th grade-- that you had to run home and do some lines? Ok, it wasn't really funny at the time because the song was kind of "old" for sixth graders but what is funny now is that most of us (if not all of us) didn't know what cocaine was back then. And of course, also it's funny because it's kind of a lame routine and an obscure skit for a talent show. They weren't even smiling, they were very serious, I can recall. And I have to say, I'm pretty fuckin' psyched I remember it. It must have really freaked me out somehow. I'll do it live onstage sometime.
So yeah, it was lame, but then again, one fellow played a drum routine on his drum practice pad, and that was totally lame. I remember thinking, "WTF? When the hell is this over with? I can't even hear the fucker. What, he's so bad at drums he's not even allowed to use real drums yet? Fag."
So, anyhoodle, I named the story "Cocaine Cartwheels" and we three thought it would make a fine name for a band.
And then I did some cartwheels (the only thing I "mastered" in gymnastics):
Notice my fine form here as I begin the cartwheel people. Do you see the outline of my chiseled calf muscle? You better, or I'll cartwheel you in the friggin' face.
Shit. And to think I thought my toes were pointed the whole time. Demerit. Ah, well.
What can I say other than lame, sheepish, uncoordinated dismount?
*That white building is the liberry
**That other building is our shed
***The grass is really that green
****I'm wearing a Red Sox cap
*****You knew that
******I wore that skirt everyday but one and you'll see it in every photo
*******Dont' judge me you would too it's quite nice with the pockets and stuff
14 comments:
Shit! You mean I could have been getting cocaine in Penn Station all this time?
I remember that song, and not knowing what it was about. But then, I never knew that Grace Jones' Pull Up To My Bumper, wasn't about cars.
Hi Anne,
Relating to another blog, "Two-up" is a simple game that involves flipping two coins and betting on the sides they land on. It was popular amongst Australian soldiers during the World Wars but no-one really plays it anymore.
I like your blog. It's interesting to get a feel for another country.
All the best!
I keep wanting to try to do a cartwheel but I'm afraid I will break my arms and bust my head open.
Wow, I think that makes 12 posts in one day! I'm glad, because I missed them while you were away. Funny stuff. Thanks for the laughs. Looks like a beautiful place you went to.
Rock on!
fargrave
I think you must be on cocaine to be posting this much.
well, you know how the old saying goes, "Have Blog Will Post, Or Whatevs"
remember: two can anne is an all about quantity, not quality.
I've never done coke either.
um, yeah.
for whatever reason (lack of coordination, lack of coke...) i have never been able to do a cart wheel. i have tried hundreds of times. i was actually an "outcast" in 6th grade because of my inability to cartwheel. how is that for irony?
but yes... you seem to have fine form and i look forward to the day when you can teach me the inner secrets of the perfect cartwheel.
cartwheeling in a skirt: that's even more impressive than it is slutty.
First off, beautiful countryside. It's like Little House on the Prarie set in the north country.
Three and a half minutes of JUST cartwheels is really too much of a good thing. Don't you think?
I'm looking up your skirt. I admit it.
BUT I'd like to see you handle the herion handstand.
I know you can do the thorazine shuffle.
cartwheels in a skirt? Very classy Anne.
For shame!
damn right i can do the thorazine shuffle.
i saw a couple doin' the heroin handstand at a Subway "Restaurant" on 8th Avenue and 50 whatever street. it entails reading a newspaper upside down with one eye open and the other closed. it takes years to master the technique.
Post a Comment