Thursday, July 27, 2006

I Saw You Giving Me the Gut Glance, Bitch

Ok, so I'm walking home from work tonight, and for the purposes of this story, I feel it important to tell you that I was wearing a white tank top and a white skirt. White is unforgiving when it comes to hiding figure flaws but it's friggin' hot out here like 99 degrees of humid terribleness and I really don't care. Until I do.

Anyway, so this broad is on her cell phone and is blabbing away walking toward me and she looks at me. Not at my face, but at my gut. My abdomen, if you will, and then she looks at her own and adjusts some shit slightly. Now this all happened very fast but if you're a woman you know exactly what the Up Down is (that's when a broad checks you out quite obviously from head to toe to head again --or--toe to head to toe. Then quickly averts the eyes, taking mental note of it all) but this was a variation on the Up Down as it was just a Gut Glance.

What is the Gut Glance, the term I just created, you ask? It's when some broad checks out your gut and then adjusts her own, meaning only one thing: I have a fat gut and she wants to make sure that hers doesn't look like whatever mine looked like.

Is she saying I'm fat? Only I can say that I'm fat!

I"ll cut that bitch!

I did mention I was wearing all white, correct?

10 comments:

Teri said...

can I say that I HATE when people do the Up Down, whether it be a man or a woman. It makes you feel like a piece of meat or that you're FAT.

I think she was thinking "man, look at that hot chick, I need to look that hot, better adjust myself".

anne altman said...

she better have or i'll cut her

Unknown said...

omg..you poor dear. YOu should of fucked her up.

don't tell me about hot girl..try 111 and humidity off the friggin charts.

And I only have evaporative coolers. I went to Vegas for three days..real ac there. Can I get an amen?

whipcreamy said...

okay. i heard once that when women dress up that they are doing it to compete with other women...so all i can say is that the other woman saw you and felt that she herself was fat...also anne...you are like 90 pounds so stop saying that you are fat...in fact, i can almost guarantee that that other woman was making sure that she herself did not look like a fat pig. oh...and my word verification is POT.

anne altman said...

finally a word verification that makes sense.

yay!

Carolyn said...

Ha! on so many levels. This is a phenomenon that I've been talking about for years - but I think it truly only happens in New York.

And FYI - for those of you who don't know Anne - she is so far from fat it isn't even funny.

Seriously - it's not funny. Skinny bitch!

JKJKJKJKJK!

She's not that skinny...

matt said...

What about when women glance down at their own breasts?
Don't think we don't notice.

whipcreamy said...

before i had my tits cut off, i used to look down at my breasts for crumbs...it's hard to have huge tits!

nouseforaname said...

Women sizing up other women is the worst ever- I would have punched her in the gut and said, Adjust that bitch!

Creepy said...

Dude, you've posted pics of yourself here: you don't have a 'gut'. I don't think too many fellas would complain about your appearance. Shit, no one would throw you out of bed for eating crackers. Unless they were deranged.