I watched Annie Hall tonight. Admittedly, ashamedly, for the first time in it's entirety. I not only realized I have more neuroses in common with Woody Allen than I ever realized, I bawled my eyes out. It's such a great movie for so many reasons. See, they love each other, but they're wrong for each other because they're too different. Or Woody's just too fucked up. Either way, love is...cruel.
And so are appliances. The pipe under my sink is wrapped in duct tape because it's full of holes. The sink is clogged. My refrigerator is leaking water like Niagara Falls, I have no toaster. Oh, and no job, dude, kids, savings, hope. You know, the basics. It's a real pity party over here tonight, so just deal with it, optimistos. What do I have? Well, immediately to my right I have a glass of selzter with lemon. I also happen have a relentless mosquito soon-to-infect/kill me with West Nile, super clean sheets, and my cat. Right, cat? Right. But let's turn this frown upside down for a super fun eBay quiz, shall we? Ok, great!
Number of people who have viewed my item: 254.
Number of people who are "watching" my item: 9.
Number of people who have bid on my item: 0.
Would it be out of line for me to list a horsetail butt plug on eBay? It's brand new, still got the price tag on it, $40 from Babes in Toyland. My neighbor friend gave it to me after a magazine piece he wrote on sex toys because he didn't want it in his house for fear of sudden death and his mom going through his possessions and the horse tail butt plug shaming his family or whatevs. Now it's in my house. Taking up space. Fuck it; I'm listing it. Feng Shui Master would approve. I mean, how much fun is one horse tail butt plug, anyway? If you're gonna prance around like My Pretty Pony, you'd really need two ponies for the full-on Bacchanalia, right?
12 comments:
I say list it. what have you got to lose except your dignity?
OK I never even heard of a horse tail butt plug before. I am so not hip.
What kind of horse tail is it?
If it's a Lipizzaner, I'm all over that!
anne, are you trying to one-up my pity parties? i threw a mean one last week. wish you were there.
I netflixed Annie Hall this past weekend. Had never seen it either. Woody's character made me never want to tell a joke again.
did you cry too?
Yes. But for different reasons.
Anne Altman, what's a classy broad like you doing with a horsehead butt plug in your home??? There goes my whole image of you.
and i do believe it's actual horse hair? the horror!
Are you allowed to sell buttplugs on eBay?
i'm going to do some research.
not that kind of research.
LOL
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