I Expect More Respect

I went to the Sophie Pollitt-Cohen co-author of The Notebook Girls, her father, Randy Cohen, author of The Ethicist column in the The New York Times Magazine, and last but not least, musician and all-around entertainer, Corn Mo. Not a bad bargain for 5 beans.

Anyway, enough dropping other people's names. Ok, one more name which is important for this story: I ran into Kurt Braunohler after the show, who is not only a talented fella, he's also an ordained minister. Alright, now let's talk about me and my name for a second, and Why I expect More Respect:

You are now reading the words of an ordained minister.

That's right. Last night, I was officially ordained by Kurt (who is officially qualified to administer the power of minister--it's on the back of his card, ok?) with a cross of holy water (gin) on the forehead, and I am qualified to marry you--with a few exceptions:

1. Not legal in New York State
2. No dudes n' dudes or broads n' broads anywhere, because people are uncomfortable with that idea for some reason, so I guess I could marry you here in New York State anyway because why the hell not?

LET'S GET READY TO GET MARRIED! WHO'S READY? I've already got an outfit I'd like to do my ordaining and administering in. But do wait for me to get on the internet and sign up for my card first so it's even more official.

RESPECT.