Thursday, July 13, 2006

#1 Reason Why I'm a Terrible Person

I make fun of the handicapped. Specifically the lactose intolerant. Their disability makes me laugh. I find it ridiculous.



"You can't have ice cream?"

"No."

"What about milk?"

"Oh, no. I have to drink Lactaid."

"You can't have milk? (uproarious laughter) What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm lactose intolerant. I just told you that."

"Right. Well, why don't you just take some Beano?"

"Beano doesn't work for lactose intolerance."

"Well why not? If it works for ass blow, it works for ass blow, right? Why would it discriminate? Doesn't Beano work for everything?"

"I don't think so."

"If I were a doctor, I'd prescribe Beano for everything."

"If I have too much cheese, forget about it."

"Get out of my office, please."

"You call this an office?"

"I'm shutting my imaginary door now. [boop!]"

"Boop? That's the sound your door makes when you shut it?"

"Fuck off."






10 comments:

newbluebaby said...

You hate indians.

Bumpkyn said...

I don't think it's funny AT ALL.

Why not make fun of my pinky too.

That cut deep, not as deep as cheese cuts my assHOLE, but deep.

anne altman said...

good grief i should have known the depths to which the comments on this post would sink!

not for children

Valerie said...

LOOOOOL! You funny!

Yes, my office door does go "boop" when I close it.

Dane has NO idea about my blog. :) Don't tell him! :)

Elizabeth said...

hey, i just mentioned beano to whipcreamy this week. she hadn't heard of it before. i don't know, though, that this post helps explain it.

can you imagine not being able to eat ice cream?

you wanna talk shit about people who can't eat eggs? i do.

Jen said...

HAhahHA
HAhahHAHAhahHA
HAhahHA

@alyssa ettinger said...

beano = life

Moderator said...

I was lactose intolerant when I was a kid. Now I'm just intolerant of foreigneers

wonderturtle said...

The preferred term is "lactarded." If you are going to sip on the haterade, you may as well take a full glup.

fiftyfinally said...

"lactarded" I like that.
I became lactarded in my forties, or maybe I just figured it out by then.