Today I Made a Mistake

On my walk to work, I saw an old-ish woman walking in front of me. She was wearing open-toed sandals with pantyhose. I said to myself, "I bet she has pretty gross toenails. I shouldn't look."

I looked.

OH THE HORROR!

WHY DID I LOOK?

I COULDN'T NOT LOOK!

AND SO I LOOKED!!

I got a glimpse of her big toe. Her toenail was the size and shape and texture of a mussel shell, nice and long, pokin' the tip of those pantyhose. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!

(mmmrrrrrrrbbbbbrrrrssgggggghhh i just got a chill)










And I thought to myself, when and if I grow that old, I'm going to pay someone to come over to my house and clip my toenails for me. With hedge clippers. Just like Grandma.