To accompany my item description on eBay, I told a story about how I acquired the coat was selling. I figured a tale about the fact that I bought the thing for what turned into a terrible date would make my listing more interesting. Sure, it was funny. But it wasn't that funny. I sent the winning bidder an e-voice, and received this email. Um, help? Shoulda registered as Andy.
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Hey, Anne!
OK, I'm looking for a nice leather coat for my wife on eBay. So, I enter the obligatory text in the search box and start perusing through the myriad of items up for grabs.
As I opened the "details" of your auction, I was immediately turned off by the verbosity of the item's description. I'm thinking .... is this person kidding me?!
But then, I started to read. And then, I started to smile. And then I started to laugh - out loud! I was interested - no - hooked on owning the item. It was no longer an "item" - it was a "living entity" - it had "history" behind it. Your quick, dry, satirical wit made the item come to life like no other I had ever seen on eBay. I had to have this jacket! And now (due to being high bidder) I do.
And to that end, let me put forth this offer. Sure - I can complete the usually cold and calculated "transaction" by submitting my PayPal payment. You receive the payment and then ship the item to me .... OR - since we are both located in New York City - I thought that it would be "fun" for us to meet at a very public location and do the exchange - cash for merchandise. Doing so, would allow you to see the person who "swooped" you - and for me to meet the girl with the "rapists" wit (Jim Carey - Dumb and Dumber) [I'm thinking you must be a writer or comedienne yourself, because your description of the eBay item was very entertaining!]
Let me disarm you immediately! I am a 50 year old, slightly overweight, balding married man with two children and a successful career. My intentions are purely innocent - to make the exchange, share some pleasant conversation (perhaps laugh a little - I, too, am quick on my feet and see things "differently" from everybody else) and part company. That's why I'm suggesting a very public place. (My thought is Tropicain Grand Central Station at the top/right of the escalators from the grand rotunda).
I can assure you that MY money will be on the bar and that YOU won't have to spend any ... if anything - it will leave a "pleasant" last memory of your jacket for you.
Of course, I understand (in this day and age) that you may be wary and uncomfortable about meeting. I can't say as I would blame you. Therefore, say the word, and I will complete the PayPal transaction to finalize our deal ... no hard feelings - ever.
Until then, keep your sense of humor - always! Don't ever grow up and, certainly, NEVER take anything too seriously. That is the credo that has sustained me through the half century of my existence on this planet. Even if we never meet, it is my pleasure knowing that I have shared the same space/time with a person on the same plane of thought.
Looking forward to your response ........
Lou
(212) xxx - xxxx
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All I'm coming away with here is "50 year old fat bald married rapist." Anyone else?
21 comments:
Fuckin' serial killer-no doubt about it.
cash for merchandise? what kind of merchandise?
seriously. since when did i'd say i'd deliver?
I think he loves your wit, you dumb wit. : )
On behalf of the male species, I apoligize. And I'll tell my Dad to leave you alone.
thanks. hope your mom likes the jacket.
yeah. i want payment and he wants a lap dance. maybe if he offers me a job i won't report him for e-harrassment.
a job lap dancing?
A serial killer's money is as good as anyone else's Toucan, quit trying to be so dramatic.
He said rapist.
You know he spent about six straight hours writing that letter too. Ugh.
What the hell did you write in the item description??? LOL Strange.
I personally would not meet him but if you go with a friend or 2, it should be ok.
My mom's name is Lou but I dont think this is her.
I really need the money and don't have time to wait until a wednesday at Grand Central. Paypal, right?
I would not buy my wife a coat from eBay.
Something is not right.
Sounds like quite a catch! Good luck!
sans pantaloons wrote: "I would not buy my wife a coat from eBay."
so basically, anne - sans is saying your coat is not worth it!
I say you let him do you.
It puts the lotion in the basket Anne or it gets the hose.
I'm with Giulia. Throw Lou a bone.
Plus we could do a Dateline NBC type hidden camera show with cops and everything.
DO NOT THROW LOU A BONE. He has your home address from the eBay Please Pay Now page. And he might want to visit you to tell you again how honourable his intentions are. EWWWW.
Oh - I think please go just to show us all what happens?
Take mace or something.
Sorry Lou Lovers and Those Who Wanted Me to Bang Lou,
It's not happening. We're going the PayPal and the no hard feelings route.
call me innocent, but i woulda met with the guy...but nothing more.
no need to lead him on, whipcreamy. once he met perfection, he'd leave his wife with nothing but the two kids and the leather jacket. i don't want to wreck a home.
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