The Best Laid Plans

I actually tidied up the place for the cable guy. Not that we were going to get it on or anything, but I figured it'd be nice to make a good first impression. Plus, who knows how much rootin' around he'd have to do behind televisions and stuff, and how much dust can a person ingest before it's considered impolite? I was so excited for the visit, I planned it weeks ago and had been thinking about it for years.

Turns out it was all for not. I was blown off. He was supposed to arrive between 2-6 p.m. I placed a few bets with friends on when he'd arrive, they said 4:15, I said 3:00. We were both wrong. Jerk called around 4 to say he was on his way. Then at around 5:30 called again to say "I was on my way, and then I had to do another job, so when I'm done with that job, I'll be right over." I said, "Ok."

What was I supposed to say? I was held hostage, desperate for my Triple Play Package. Visions of a high-speed connection and a remote control which has the little channel info thingie to tell you what the movie is about so you don't have to look it up old timey timey style in your Lenny Maltin guide. Well, at 6:30, and the douche wasn't here, I was getting antsy, angry, and fed up. At 6:45, I was on the phone with Time Warner Cable, telling him to tell that dude just to forget about it, and what free shit are you going to give me in compensation for me wasting a day waiting for him to arrive? Three months of Showtime. Showtime? Blow me.

"He said he'll be there in a half hour."

"That's what he said an hour ago!" I said. Now he wouldn't get here until 7 something. And I thought I had a date at 8, so I didn't want to be late for that possibility. Turns out I was stood up for that too, though at this point I blame myself, because if I had confirmed earlier, then I would have known for sure, instead of a maybe. But I tried, calling, emailing, and now it looks like I could have had cable guy come after all, and right now I'd be enjoying my high-speed blogging abilities, on the sofa with Doodle, watching my free Showtime and eating popcorn. Showtime?

Now I'm in a bad mood.

So, I'm going to go see some titties tonight at a burlesque show. Not that titties do anything for me, but why not. My gal Jenn Wehrung is doing a show as Bella Da Balls with Honi Harlow at the Vital Theater tonite at 11pm. Tell 'em Honi with an "i" sent you and you get five beans off the cover charge. Can't beat that with a beating machine.

And it's better than staying home to watch your Showtime consolation prize.

My cable guy has been rescheduled for May 20. No word on the other guy.