Thursday, May 25, 2006

Jonathan Papelbon Is Not Your Friend


And he will friggin' house you. Don't be fooled by that 26 year old baby face, he is a cold-blooded snake. Totally not human. Reptilian, actually, and not to be underestimated. You've got to work your ass off to gain this dude's respect; I could see several awkward silences over a beer with a cat as serious as he. He cannot be rattled; he does not fuck around. A veritable Chucky Doll on the mound, a faint grin on his chipmunk cheeks whilst he slits your throat, remorseless. He makes you look like the baby. Even you, greasy Giambi. Who's the baby now, huh, bitch? You know that's what he's thinking. Ever see the way he powers off the field after he shuts em down 1, 2, 3? That shit will give you goose bumps. And not in the gay way. In the holy shit, that son of a bitch can pitch! way. Red Sox 4, Tampa Bay 1.

12 comments:

matt said...

The Pope gets a Papalboner when he thinks impure thoughts.

Lauren K said...

I feel Papelbly worse after reading that.

Peter Matthes said...

Yawn!

The Devil Rays are like The Bad New Bears minus Kelly, Tanner and Buttermaker.

anne altman said...

what, do you sit on the sofa and eat papelbons all day?

anne altman said...

tampa gay uniforms are bay. they're very teenage mutant ninja turtle like.

matt said...

And Pete Townshend gets a PayPalboner when he purchases little boy erotica on the Internet.

anne altman said...

yoko papelbono

matt said...

Shake your Papelbon-bon!

anne altman said...

Steve McQueen's performance in Papelpon? brilliant...

Raymond Voigt said...

Papelbonjovi?
Papelcinnibon?
Have you scheduled your papelbon smear test?

newbluebaby said...

Fever Pitch.

anne altman said...

LOW BLOW!