QVC

Look at these gorgeous gauchos! I learned all about them on QVC last night. To my chagrin, really. I couldn't find the remote, and I was simply too fatigued to find it. So, as the pretty ladies shook, touched, and fondled the gorgeous gauchos, they described the "detail elements" of the fabric, the "illusion element" of the waistband, the "illusion effect" of the lettuce edging, and the "element effect" of gauchos in general.

"Oooooh, yes, Barbara--that's another illusion effect right there, and if you're just joining us, we're on item number 3700GC, in brown, and black, and wow, we're already sold out of the blue..."

Nevermind that the models modeling the gauchos are size 2, and they don't even sell size 2. Nevermind also that gauchos should never find themselves on anyone size 1x, 2x, 3x+, and "We're sold out of the 1x, 3x, and there's a waitlist for the 2x..." Scratch that. Gauchos should not find themselves on anyone any size. Just goes to show you what brilliant salesladies these broads are, making up phrases left and right and selling the shit out of the gauchos anyway.

Today is a big day for me. Today is the day that the cable man comes to install the illusion effect of high-speed internet access, the detail elements of digital phone, and the element effect of the modern cable box. I can't wait to enjoy the illusion elements of the triple play package from Time Warner Cable!

Welcome to the nineties, Anne!