Thursday, May 04, 2006

Rich People Are Hideous In Hats



The flowers are real. The nose? Not found in nature. Neither is the face, but we're here to talk hats, ok, people? Let's not get distracted. Let's focus. Try to ignore the split ends.










Ok, back to the faces for a second. Let's face it, some people don't have hat faces. Just ask the Eleanor Roosevelt impersonator. Look how it frames the piano between her lips just so. And far right? Some people don't have hat heads. Turtles were invited to this gig? And last but not least, some people don't have hats. Lady, you chickened out on the hat because you thought you were too good for it, that you'd look silly, and now you look like an asshole.








These twats were all hoping that they would be the prettiest dog in the 4-dog lineup. The phony on the far left was sure the title would be hers. Second to left's pinhead is lost in the sauce. Pinky twinkle makes a pretty witch. And finally, I can assure you that the one on the far right, the one who skipped the hat for the Ray-Bans, is absolutely hating this picture of herself. And she should.








Never stare directly at the sun. You can be blinded, I say. Blinded! A very coiffed, very airy, very toothy fairy appears to have been sucked into her personal space with that hat. He's totally cock blocking her from her handsome-faced bride friend, so she's weed wacking the shit out of his white nose hairs to get around the pick.









Ok, yes, we get it--it was a garden party, so a watering can pocketbook was in order. Ehhhhh, no it wasn't. You took it too far, took it too far. You actually look like a bag lady who was caught picking shit out of the garbage. You also could be confused with someone a little retarded. Both not good.

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

i need more information: where did you get these pictures. i know that's not the point. i understand and value the point that rich people are hideous -- a fact best exemplified by their love for atricious hats BUT really, was this a hat convention? how did they all know to wear hatS? just because they are rich? i see rich people on the street sometimes. they aren't wearing hats. they aren't amongst themselves, though. so before i exert too much brain power on this subject, tell me more. please. i think part of me is hoping that the pictures i've just viewed are not real. that these people are, perhaps, playing the liberal "billionaires for bush" game.

anne altman said...

Oh, I do apologize--these beauties are from the nauseating New York Social Diary, and I am not finished lambasting them.

www.newyorksocialdiary.com

newbluebaby said...

That woman has a hurricane on her head!

Peter Matthes said...

I am fairly sure that I saw the Ray-Ban girl featured topless in the "Rich Girls Gone Wild - Palm Beach" DVD.

What I meant to say is ... my close friend saw her in that DVD.