Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Ann Taylor Lied to Me About the Size of My Ass

Clothing store mirrors DO lie. Here's my ass as it looked to me in the mirror as I tried on a snappy pair of slacks the Ann Taylor dressing room at the North Shore Mall on Sunday morning. I think we all agree: That's a hot piece of ass!





But to my chagrin, here is my ass today in those same snappy slacks, out of the store. Just as it looks in your regular, run of the mill mirror, just as it appears in real damn life. I think it's obvious that Ann Taylor lies! What a bitch! I was deceived into purchasing a pair of extremely unflattering pants*!








* Don't hate on my new boots, belt and hat. All my idea. I already had the coat--it's Papagallo. Isn't it fantastic? I know several fashionable people-in-the-know who would shoot their grandmother in the face for that coat.

22 comments:

Peter Matthes said...

That looks like a totally wasted Salvation Army Santa scratching his ass on a brick wall in NYC.

I love the holiday season in Gotham.

Valerie said...

Ann Taylor is a BITCH! I have her damn shirt on today and it's rubbing in my arm pits and my pits are sun burned. WTF.

Brandy For Sale. said...

You, madame, are a scamp.

matt said...

North Shore Mall? Did you talk a walking tour of my adolescence?

anne altman said...

Yes, Matt--there was Chess King, where you used to buy your Sergio Valente jeans, then we went to 5,7,9 where I used to buy my ...whatever I used to buy there (not much, probably socks-- i never was a 5,7,9 in highschool)...

matt said...

Did you buy anything at 'Lids'? Or happen to run into my buddy Brad? I always see him there.

anne altman said...

Actually, Brad left Lids. He was working at Brigham's for awhile, but then slipped on the floor in the back by the freezers and is suing them for disability. i hear he's pushin' 340 now and can't leave his bean bag.

sad.

Tanya Kristine said...

either asses look great.

that'd better not be your real ass in the first picture. i'll have to hate you.

whipcreamy said...

brighams is at the LIberty Tree Mall....Friendly's is at the nawth shaw mall.

Lauren K said...

I'm glad someone here is a mall authority. That kind of sloppiness will not stand.

matt said...

I'm glad that Liberty Tree experienced a Renaissance. They were really limping along before that movie theater moved in.

anne altman said...

QUIZ:

Earring Tree

or

Piercing Pagoda

???

HMMM?

anne altman said...

Yes, that is my ass. Those aren't my legs.

Lauren K said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lauren K said...

The Icing, obvie!

matt said...

Piercing Pagoda.

Tanya Kristine said...

i guess i only half-way hate you then.

course i'm on my way to surpassing Ms. Nicole Richie...that's right; i've stopped eating. i can do it.

anne altman said...

If you stop eating, you win.


You can do it!

sheridanlusk said...

anne,
you're lookin' mighty fine from that angle. actually, you look mighty fine from any angle.

say it isn't so, those are your legs aren't they?

ken.

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