At my job at a law firm, I sit out in the satellite of office stations designed for the legal secretaries. Our desks are positioned directly across from whom we support, and quite public, so there's no place for surreptitous nosepicking or anything, as it's like "TA DA!!!! HERE I AM!" The only thing is, I'm not a legal secretary, I don't support the person who has the office right in front of my grill, I'm too busy at my job to play Solitaire, but I do have respect for the majority of these secretaries because of the caste system here perpetuated by a certain number of attorneys that constantly undermines their intelligence. Anyway, this just happens to be my desk, because I'm what they call a temp, and frankly, I'm just happy to be employed.
What's generally annoying, but quite interesting at times, is the how the attorneys who don't know who I am or what I do, just assume their asses off and reveal their selective incompetence. So I'm sitting here, by myself, as all the secretaries are gone out to lunch. An attorney about 5 years or so younger than I walks up to me and asks, "Is Cathy here?" (Cathy sits next to me). "Is Cathy here?" is legalease for "I need help." Of course, Cathy isn't here, because if she was, Cathy would say, "Hey, I'm right here!". So, I looked to my left and replied, "I don't see her." And then mustered up a "Can I help you with something?"
"Oh, yes," the attorney answered. "The light is off in my office."
"Ok. I'd dial 0 and ask for maintenance and say "The light is off in my office. Anything else?"
"Well, I burned my hand on my flatiron this morning, and might you send a few ice packs to my office?"
"We have ice packs?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Well, I'd dial 0 and maybe they can direct you. Last week when I burned my hand on scalding hot water, I made an ice pack myself using the ice from the panty and a paper towel. Worked wonders."
"Thanks anyway."
"You might want to do that instead of wait on something interoffice mail--they say you should immediately ice a burn."
"No, I'm fine."
Then she left. A woman who went through 4 years of undergrad, 3 years of law school, passed the New York State Bar, and knows how to use a flatiron on that afro of hers can't dial 0 or use the ice machine? Please. Selective knowledge. I once worked at Comedy Central for an dumb ad saleswoman who would be gabbin' it up with other office gabbers right next to the fax machine and only finally include me in the conversation with a, "Can you fax this document for me please?" and then back to BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH Bergdorfs BLAH BLAH Barneys BLAH BLAH..."
"Sure, once you take your tits off the fax machine, I'll get right to it."
5 comments:
fucking jackasses. I work with them all the fucking day long. They have to PASS the copy machine to get to my office, yet they still come to my office with ONE piece of paper and ask "can you make me 4 copies of this?" OMFG!
good grief i was just informed that that twat is a summer associate. ie: still in law school.
ie: a nightmare still under construction only to flourish come graduation and beyond
oh my, I can assure you once I am an attorney I will not be like that (I hope)!!
I like this post.
Can you make a copy of it for me?
Get me a regular coffee while you are up ... Would ya tootse?
I like that blouse you're wearing. You should wear stuff like that more often.
I sit next to the only color printer on the floor. So, when it's down, which is often, people look to me. Confused. Scared. Late for a meeting where they wanted to DAZZLE everyone with their colored pie charts!!! I tried to fix it once, and I ended up looking like that guy who use to where the colored afros at baseball games. So I bought a box of crayons. There you go folks, you want color? I suggest Magneta Red.
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