I found this in the trash. I know that sounds bad, but I'm not above junk picking. And I was standing on the corner of 37th and Park Avenue next to an over-stuffed trash can, and it was lying on the very tip top, half in it's envelope. I picked it up because I could tell from 3 feet away that it was a wedding thank-you note, to someone who lived on that very tony block, and I knew it would be terrible. I was right!
First of all, what you can't see, is that it is a heavy-weight card stock embossed with their names, Elizabeth & Chadd at the top. Chadd! As if it wasn't obnoxious enough a name, with the extra D, I can barely say it without going "Hi, I'm Chaddddd" in a douche bag voice. Try it yourself. It's impossible. Just imagine Elizabeth in bed with Chadd, moaning, "I love you, Chadd!" Um, ick? Yes, ick!
Secondly, it's obvious that Chadddddd wrote the thank you note, even though Elizabeth's name is first on the signature. He must be the one friends with Peter and Dale, and Elizabeth put her foot down on having to write that one. Whether or not Peter and Dale are a boy-boy couple isn't clear, but what is clear, is that Chaddddd has terrible hand-scribbling in the classic "boy handwriting" style that says, "Why the fuck did we have such a huge wedding, this thank you note shit really blows." Peter and Dale thought it blew too, because one of them swiftly threw that shit out on their way to work.
Now, on to the text. "Thank you so much for the beautiful wedding silver. We love it." Ok, yes, it's beautiful, and yes, you love it, because your stupid wife picked it out over 2 years ago and it was on the wedding registry. Yeah, it was generous, because it was probably the most expensive set in the store. Thank goodness for wedding registries, right Chadddddd? You bitched about it at the time, and now, aren't you psyched? That a gay couple with the disposable income had the cash to buy it? Otherwise it'd be your burden?
Oh, that's right. Elizabeth is your burden.
Put more effort into your second wedding's thank you notes, Chaddddddddd.
6 comments:
Please add Chadd to your list of annoying boy names.
That was some funny shit. Thanks.
Del-v
Chad was already on the list but Chadd is a whole nother ballgame.
Course, that is coming from someone whose first name is Elizabethh. Because--you know it--why not? more is better, i hear.
Mrs. Chadd is probably a homophobe, and that's why she made Chadd write the letter.
chadddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd....
how did his mother know when to stop? why at 2 Ds? what's wrong with 59?
Come on Chad Allen was pretty cool.
Chadd-
(Male) (English)
Variant of Chad: Protector; defender. English form of a Welsh name meaning battle or warring. Famous bearer: 7th- century bishop St Chad founded the Samaritans, a charitable organization providing service for the suicidal and despairing.
CHADD also stands for CHildren and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.
Do you really think Elizabeth moans while having sex with Chadd? Aren't you giving the guy the benefit of the doubt here? Perhaps his ADD causes him to lose interest a few seconds into their sweaty lovemaking.
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